Few things inflict more misery than an abusive supervisor. The effects can even resound at home where job anxieties subvert family pleasures. You can’t change your boss, but you can change the way you react to him.
Power corrupts—some more than others it would seem.
Chances are the most powerful person in your life is the one that signs your pay check. If you’re lucky, your boss wears his or her authority lightly.
While it’s not always easy to understand what drives a bad boss, almost everyone understands the challenges facing those saddled with one.
The most modern and sophisticated corporation is transformed into a fiefdom when a dictatorial person is at the helm.
“It surprises me that even with all the leadership resources, tools and techniques on how to get the best out of staff, there are still some bosses around today that use a very autocratic, domineering and abusive approach when leading their team,” comments Annemarie Cross, a career and workplace counselor based in Melbourne, Australia (
www.annemariecross.com).
“They seem to take out their need for complete and total control on their staff by following a very unproductive, unhealthy, (and in most workplaces), illegal approach.Working in an abusive and confrontational environment with a boss who is making life an absolute misery for you is stressful. Prolonged anxiety is unhealthy, and should be avoided at all costs.”
Unfortunately, reality and circumstances frequently conspire, negating any thought of a move. People become trapped, forcing them to develop coping mechanisms unique to their situation. In fact, employees often devote more energy to placating their boss than fulfilling their tasks.
So what advice does Cross offer if you’re subordinate to someone who regards their own judgment as infallible, and refuses to consider the expertise of others?
“If you are feeling stifled in your current role one option is to increase your exposure within other areas of the company,” she answers. “Establishing and growing your professional network within your place of employment, particularly with key decision-makers, is something you should be currently doing (as part of your long-term career plan). Get known and respected for your expertise outside your own department by involving yourself in special company projects that involve other departments.”
Establish yourself as a trouble-shooter, urges Cross, become the person others go to when a problem arises. That way you’ll ensure that your expertise is utilized even if the boss fails to appreciate it.
And if your employer neither values nor rewards effort, she recommends you address this shortcoming by expressing congratulatory words to deserving colleagues.
“You may also suggest a new initiative acknowledging staff and teams for projects well done, and publish these success stories within the company newsletter.”
In extreme cases of abuse it may be necessary to document incidents, and report them to the human resources or personnel departments. If you embark on this course of action, Cross suggests that you recruit allies and proceed en masse mindful that almost any form of abuse in the workplace is illegal.
“One of the most important lessons I think anyone can learn is that you can’t control another person’s behavior or actions, but you can certainly control how you are affected by it. So a boss’s actions and behavior may be deplorable and unacceptable, but rather than becoming a victim, you can take control and decide that you will not let it affect you personally, mentally or emotionally.”
A bad boss’s negative influence can reach beyond the workplace and into your home, affecting relationships within the family. You need to find ways to stop this kind of intrusion—start by defining for yourself the boundary that must exist between your professional life and your personal life—the latter should never be sacrificed to satisfy the former.
Understanding the psychological makeup of a difficult employer is a critical first step when formulating a survival strategy.
You be the Boss:
Annemarie Cross believes an employee should persist in their attempts to win over the boss, no matter how unlikely a prospect that seems: “Working hard and contributing your expertise to ensure goals and objectives are met may be all you need to gain the trust and respect of your boss.”
She recommends the following:
- Don¹t let unacceptable behavior wear you down.
- Concentrate on doing your job well.
- Develop key alliances and relationships with others in the organization, particularly among decision-makers.
- Involve yourself in special projects outside of your own department so you become known for your expertise throughout the organization.
- Find a mentor, someone you trust that will support you if your boss is incapable of filling that role.
- Remain strong in your convictions and continue to deliver great results, you’re sure to reap rewards.
If you have the misfortune of working for a narcissist, however, expect nothing but grief.
Paranoid, sadistic, pathologically jealous, and incapable of empathy, a narcissist objectifies people and treats them as expendable commodities to be discarded after use.
“To support his sense of uniqueness, greatness and cosmic significance, he is often hyper- vigilant,” explains Sam Vaknin PhD, (
www.narcissistic-abuse.com) author of Malignant Self-Love: Narcissism Revisited, (available at Amazon.com) and an Israeli philosopher currently living in Macedonia.
The narcissist, like the sadist is a pain artist. The difference between them lies in their motivation. The narcissist tortures to punish and to reassert superiority, omnipotence, and grandiosity.
But both are equally adept at finding the chinks in armor.
Dr.Vaknin warns that narcissistic employers frequently display an enlightened interest in the welfare of their victims. They skillfully play the role of mentor or father figure, exhibit charm and bestow rewards, but always with nefarious intent.
“The narcissist infiltrates defenses,” says Dr.Vaknin, “shatters self-confidence, confuses and confounds, demeans and debases. They humiliate and insult both privately and in public. Luckily, the narcissist’s attention span is short and their resources and energy limited. In constant, effort-consuming and attention-diverting pursuit of narcissistic supply, they let their victims go, usually before they’ve suffered irreversible damage.”
Cold comfort maybe, but it’s a reminder that even the worst boss is survivable.