Shock and denial are often the first common emotions when dealing with a loss, especially if there was no warning. Once we are over these initial emotions we usually try to hold on to the person in some way. If they've passed away, we may look at old photos or keepsakes of theirs. If the person has left then we try to hold on by keeping connected to their life is some way. What we are doing is trying to keep our perception of them alive. We seem to only remember the good. This occurs mostly when someone we love has walked away.

The reason it is so difficult to rebuild our lives at this time of year is because it is a time most spent with family and friends. We remember the happy times around the holidays spent with our loved ones and try to imagine what we would be doing with them if they were still here. It is also a time for reflection. Also, in January people get back to work and back to the routine of their lives. We become less social than we are around the holidays and are more prone to feeling alone.

Instead of thinking you have to start over or get over a loss, think of adopting a new attitude towards the loss. Be aware that the depth of your grieving does not prove how much you loved someone. Feeling happy again does not mean that you didn't love them enough. If your loved one has left try thinking of how you will benefit from the break up of your relationship. Will you now be able to do an activity you couldn't do before, can you travel more, or will you be able to see friends you weren't able to? Also, allow yourself to discouver what you have learned from the relationship and the break up and how you can bring these lessons to other areas of your life or to other relationships.

In either case, death or separation, find a support group or a network of friends who can help. It makes it easier to deal with your emotions when you know others have gone through or are going through a similar loss. You'll be able to talk things through and to listen to other peoples feelings and coping methods.

It may help to follow these steps to heal:

• Face your pain. Stop denying the pain or telling everyone that you are fine. If you aren't fine, let people know.
• Talk to someone, either a friend or a professional. Keeping everything to yourself can cause stress and be detrimental to your physical and mental health.
• Start a journal and write your feelings down. You don't have to show anyone or even read it back yourself. The act of writing down your feelings will be a much needed release.

It's important to know when the grief is too much and is preventing you from living your life. In cases like this speak with your doctor or a health care professional to get the support you need.